Circles in my head

Why is it so hard to really trust people? OK, it probably has something to do with vulnerability...but that is a bit hog-washy for me. It's a given. You open yourself up to someone else and in essence, it's an unveiling. You want it to be raw, I think. Better yet, you want it to be pure. I wish it was easier to be trustworthy of those that are close and important to you. Just to be totally comfortable when it comes to really getting to know yourself though someone else; not to have to follow rules or feel like you need to fit some mold. Just be yourself in your finest, realest form and have that be enough of a ground for true strength to build. I wish I had the ability to really see and understand people; really know and trust them. In a way, I think I've been blessed with this capacity, but after some consideration, I'm also convinced it's on a semi-superficial level. When I stop and think about it, I mean, how much of the real me is really knowing anyone else? I am in awe of how that can really happen. Like undeniably connecting with someone else and that just being it. No worries; just openness, trust, and growth. Maybe that's an ideal, but I think it's possible to find that in the real (per se, material) world, right? I wish I wasn't riddled with silly insecurities about myself. I wish I didn't doubt people's intentions. Real, solid, unsuperficial strength is hard to come by. Strength that really comes from somewhere deep and for the right reasons, not strength that is used to mask other things. I want this! Where do I find it? For a lil insight, I googled "where do i find strength?" (obviously!) I did learn a little bit about buidling muscle and losing fat, as well as about the importance of gaining strength through numbers in religion, but that's all. Despite popular belief, I suppose Google is not an all-knowing entity. Well, I guess I have to search a bit deeper than the web, eh? It must be something you can't read, instead it's something you must do. So I'll add that to my ever-lengthening list of to-do's: find strength in yourself for the right reasons. Learn to trust (and know) yourself, as well as others.