In Limbo

For the past year or so, I have intentionally tried living a more structured life; and I think (to the best of my knowledge, at least) that this has been a good thing for me. It has taught me about the importance of living a sensible existence. It has helped me make rational decisions; and from it, I have gained a sense of discipline, which I so clearly lacked beforehand. So here we are, and now life is monotonous and day in and day out, I feel further and further removed from “myself,” whoever that may be. I know this job is a “good experience” but I fear that it is stifling my creative, adventurous side. When will I feel fulfilled and free? I seek balance so bad I can taste it. But lately what I seek even more is excitement, frivolity, and spontaneity…sure, structure is important, but I think if we can gain insight into its importance and then live by it, we don’t actually need that structure, do you get me? If we can figure out how, we can infuse this structure into impulsivity…because in a way, it has already become a part of us. But, we must be aware of its presence so to not let structure define us nor hold us down. I guess it’s just the time old battle between structure and the individual. Today, I really understand what that means. I want more than anything to be there...on the middle path, be a little bit of both. I mean, don't we all?

Weather Report

When it comes to writing, it makes sense that mood is affected by setting. Especially when we're talking playwright and then well, setting pretty much creates mood. Isn't it funny, though, when this same principal is applied to everyday life? Take today, for example...it's a rainy Tuesday and it seems that everyone in the office is dragging their feet in a ho-hum I feel drippy on the inside kind of way. You get my drift? People are super responsive to the weather. It's like their disposition is acutally dictated by it. Me, on the other hand, I woke up feeling "sunny" today, maybe my insides didn't match the outside, but my internal forecast is set to bright today and aint nothing gonna tear that down. I am making a concierted effort today to be in the moment. Be happy with exactly what is going on at any given place in time. As I sloshed to work today in my suede pumps, I smiled. I took a deep breath and said to myself, enjoy the rain, just be with it; and I did and I was. The power of the mind is outrageous. Keep telling yourself something and it's almost as if your body starts to catch onto those things. If you can do this, it's easy to feel positive in any weather.

"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines"

Fridays have this feel about them. It's like there's a buzz in the air, an energy, if you will. There is possibility in that feeling and well, I like it. Sure, I'll spend most of my day pressing my face against the wall in an attempt to feel the spring-time air, but I know at the end of the work day, I am free! The feeling it gives me reaffirms that I am simply not a 9 to 5er. I'm just not, god damnit. I have an interview this afternoon, very exciting...it feels so good to be job hunting; yes, it's a pain in the ass, but it reawakens things inside of me that I forgot about. It reconnects me with my passions. It reminds me who I am, what I can do, and boosts my self-worth. Life is forever changing and work is such a maleable thing, when you find something that makes sense, it just sticks, and then it just is. But then it starts to take on its own life form, suddenly you are your job...but where did you go? If you can't see yourself anymore, it's time to move on sista. Hit the road, take another path, just get out. That's where I am. On the brink...and it's a fantastic feeling, change, that is. Change holds so much potential; I can hardly wait for what lies ahead...

Aretha speaks to me

Today's topic is none other than (drum roll please)...Aretha Franklin. So where to start? My god, the woman...is just that, a WOAH MAN, right? I feel empowered just thinking about her! To begin, let's marvel at this statistic: the lady of mother fucking soul has won 19 Grammies and also holds the record for Best Female R&B Vocalist, with 11 to her name, bitch won consectively from 1968 to 1975, thank you Wikepedia! She was also the FIRST but not the last (damn straight!) woman to be inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a breakthrough that occurred in 1987. In that way, she pretty much put her foot in the door (or more accurately, kicked that door in) for all women who fancied rocking and rolling. She pretty much rules, wouldn't you agree? Her lyrical masterminding is poignantly charged with vigorous depth and a splash of innocent passion. Her words cut like a razor, simple and straightfoward... sure, I admit they might border on love sick/struck, but what saves her from sounding desperate is her sheer honesty; she knows how to love, love, love a man but she understands that to do so means heartbreak, heartbreak, heartbreak. She is brutally honest and her emotions are not bogged down by fanciful hoo-ha, which nowadays, a lot of music amounts to. She says it like it is, and her music makes me feel like nothing else I have ever, ever, ever felt...EVER. What sets her apart is the way she FEELS music, I mean, obviously all of the greats feel that shit, but Aretha exudes it, it seeps from her pours, man. Her voice makes me shiver and then quiver...and then shiver again. Her vocal range is rumored to be about 4 octaves and she has belted A5 in chest voice before. Her ability to inject her performances with gut wrenching soul and sheer conviction is unmatchable. On top of her mastery of soul, she is also adept at jazz, rock, blues, pop, gospel, and even opera, yes she is a jack of all trades! AND, the state of Michigan has declared her voice to be a natural wonder (Really!). So wow, I am drained just thinking about her. Aretha, you really speak to me, I feel you all the way down into my toes! So as you can plainly see, I am forever blown away by her, what about you?

Lunch Lady Blues

Work, work, work. Weather(warm), Weather(warm), weather(warm). It might just be me, but the two canNOT coexist together. I have been trying to get outside as much as possible to soak up the wonderful weather. Today I had lunch outside. Sure, it seems like a novel idea, but let's break it down. The weather was immaculate, yes, that much is true, but I was limited to two pretty scary picnic table options. The first very slanted and a bit rotted and the second very much tilted since it was placed in the middle of a hill. I opted for the ladder and therefore had to secure my salad and water the whole time...for fear that it would slip off into the abyss of pesticide ridden landscape. Oh, did I mention there were yellow signs all over the grass with pesticide warnings all over them? Have no fear, my dear, they have been there for 2 days now...so the 24-hour period had already lapsed. Anyways, the splattering of yellow flags everywhere really set the mood. Plus for some reason, unbeknowest to me, there were flies everywhere!! So imagaine this, me slanted on a rickety picnic table, grasping onto my salad and drink/swatting flies, all the while trying to eat admist a flagged danger zone. Quite the scene, let me tell you. So there's a tid bit of my day. Just a little insight into my exciting lunch time drama.