In Limbo

For the past year or so, I have intentionally tried living a more structured life; and I think (to the best of my knowledge, at least) that this has been a good thing for me. It has taught me about the importance of living a sensible existence. It has helped me make rational decisions; and from it, I have gained a sense of discipline, which I so clearly lacked beforehand. So here we are, and now life is monotonous and day in and day out, I feel further and further removed from “myself,” whoever that may be. I know this job is a “good experience” but I fear that it is stifling my creative, adventurous side. When will I feel fulfilled and free? I seek balance so bad I can taste it. But lately what I seek even more is excitement, frivolity, and spontaneity…sure, structure is important, but I think if we can gain insight into its importance and then live by it, we don’t actually need that structure, do you get me? If we can figure out how, we can infuse this structure into impulsivity…because in a way, it has already become a part of us. But, we must be aware of its presence so to not let structure define us nor hold us down. I guess it’s just the time old battle between structure and the individual. Today, I really understand what that means. I want more than anything to be there...on the middle path, be a little bit of both. I mean, don't we all?